If you are brave enough to say goodbye
life will reward you with a new hello
Yesterday at our going away party as I said my goodbyes to my friends I wanted to really remember each goodbye vividly.
To memorize them completely.
To be present.
To feel them fully.
To mourn their existence, without sinking into despair over them.
I wanted it to be real.
Each last hug.
Each last glance.
Each last wave.
Of course I will have all these memories I’ve made to look back on and I am glad of that. I know that I will be back, but the weight of knowing that things will be different is kind of hard.
I’ve put myself in the shoes of myself back when we started telling people about our trip. Back then is when I first said goodbye and that pain was rough. Since then it has felt like one big drawn out goodbye and I’m relieved that that goodbye is almost over. The past few weeks have been hard for me with trying to finish packing, to knowing a final goodbye was coming, to realizing how much I really, deeply love some people and some places and it got to the point where I didn’t know if I really wanted to leave anymore or even remember that I ever wanted to. It’s been this journey of uncovering emotions and desires I never knew I had and having to work through them all while trying to accomplish all I needed to accomplish… but even though all this saying goodbye made me weary and was trying on my heart, I know now that this beautiful adventure is what God wants for me – and for my family. It’s still hard sometimes and I’ll still miss my lovely peoples back home, but I think I am ready for this now more than ever before. I’m thrilled at the idea that I’ll have super cool stories to tell when I get back… and basically I’m just thrilled about mostly everything.
Goodbyes are always going to be a thing. That’s just life. It can be hard sometimes, but it makes way for hellos, right? Hellos to amazing experiences and places and people that we wouldn’t have had otherwise. I love knowing that we have so many people who have cared to hear what’s going on in our life and are praying for us. It means a lot. <3
I hope everyone following us along in our journey will be inspired through my (and really all our) struggles and joys that come along with this.