looking for lost time

The End of the Tunnel

The End of the Tunnel

Today I feel like I don’t know if I have what it takes to get us out on the road, and I don’t want to wait! I wish I could take off tomorrow. I want to put together what we need, get that settled, get rid of everything else, and go. But there’s so much left to do, between preparations on the house we’re leaving behind, and preparations on the van we’re taking; buying the things we need that we don’t have and selling the things we don’t need. My chest is tight thinking about it. The image that keeps coming to mind is one of a bird whose cage door has just been opened, but she is still tethered inside the cage. She knows she will be free soon (she’s chomped through tethers before) but O, the work and effort that will take!

I miss my husband. I’ve been missing him for years. Now there is a light at the end of the tunnel, and thankfully, it isn’t THE light at the end of the tunnel. That was my fear – that we would have to wait until we died to spend any good, quality time together – and now it seems the chances are pretty good we won’t have to do that. But now, with the time until his “retirement” is so close at hand, I feel like I can’t wait that long. What IS that? It’s the same way when you know you’ll be eating soon, and now you might “legitimately” starve, or you finally get to the bathroom after holding it for hours.

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